Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Maybe I Do Want Kids After All?

I saw this on Pinterest and it got me thinking. I have a private board and I got to looking on there and most of the pins on there were pictures of nurseries or other baby related things. I just didn't want everyone to look at it. On my PCOS boards I have all of these pins talking about PCOS and pregnancy. I know there are people that follow me on there that think I'm trying to have a baby, and I'm not. 

I've been getting teary eyed over stuff that I wouldn't have had a second thought about 6 months ago. This morning I was looking at a website that dealt with miscarriage and I started to cry. I know my hormones are probably off, but I've never felt this way before. It's kind of like a ache. Like someone's shoving this in my face this is what you're never going to have.

My best friend has a little girl that just turned two. She is the cutest little thing! I was around Leslie during a lot of pregnancy and it never bothered me. I remember walking around Walmart with her looking in the baby section. There was this little outfit that had a pink cupcake. Oh. My Gosh. It was the cutest thing ever! I picked and said, "Well, I'm going to have kids so it doesn't matter." I've said stuff like that for a long time.

I think part of why I've always done this was to protect myself. Why let yourself get excited over something you know you can't have?

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